I had to face this thought recently when I started talking with other ASD moms who seemed to be doing a whole lot more for their children than I was. From biomedical intervention, B12 shots, Gluten-free Casein-Free (GFCF) diets, Auditory Integration Therapy (AIT) and specialized mainstreaming schools, I got to thinking, "am I still not doing enough?"
I told one of these moms, Josie, that talking with moms like her makes me feel so insecure. Because I am not doing as much as they are, maybe I love my son less? It's easy to get depressed when facing autism and thoughts like this are not uncommon. But I have to consciously stop the self-pitying and focus on Anton. Sometimes it hurts my pride but I have to digest these moms' messages and reassess Anton's interventions.
And this is where it gets tough. Lately, Allen and I have accepted Anton's steady progress. We bask in each milestone achieved and we feel that the one year delay is acceptable. We also strongly believe that he is slowly overcoming the challenges that ASD brings his way. I, on my part, have developed this faith that with all the things that we do, and with God's help, Anton will get better.
We have learned to accept the quirks of our Little Einstein.
On the one hand, I understand all these well-meaning moms who merely want to share what successes they have achieved using these alternative therapies. I am not closing my doors on these suggestions. I merely feel that I would like to give Anton a share in his improvement. When they say that, without AIT, GFCF, Biomed, my child would not have improved, I would like to think that the improvement came from the child. That these interventions are incidental. They may help greatly, but I do not want to take away from the child what is rightfully due him.
So, rather than dismissing the advice outright, I have learned to accept the wisdom they have gained through the years. Maybe I am a newbie, naive and optimistic, but I still refuse to accept that Anton will not overcome this. Call it "denial," shake your head in disbelief, criticize me for allowing Anton an occasional doughnut. Each child is different, each autism is different, and the families surrounding them are unique.
Pizza is a no-no in the GFCF diet.
I am studying these other options well. I have been gradually introducing my son to GFCF (not fast enough, I'm sure some will say). What I do not like is when this discussion becomes like the battle between Democrats and Republicans (both sides thinking the other is wrong). To me, this is not black and white, either you're on this side or not. I am allowing Anton and myself to stay in the gray for a while. Though I know that we can't stay here long.
We have to do as much as we can now. But I am not going to allow my son and family to blindly heed advice. There are some things that work for us, and some that do not. Besides, our decisions are never final anyway.
Like the changing face of autism, Anton's needs change as well. It is inevitable that his family does too. Whether we plunge into AIT, biomed or GFCF will be a decision we carefully make as a family. It will not be simply because it worked for others.
Even before Anton's autism we have always been too gray (weird) for other families anyway. We count on faith, hard work and each other to help Anton get better. Maybe it is denial; but we are his family and we know him best.
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