Mama and me, wedding day 2001
Mama also wondered why Anton had not been speaking a lot at age two. But like me, I think she did not want to believe that something was wrong. She said, "no kidding?" when i texted her. Being a strong Catholic, she also promised me that she will be saying novenas for Anton's recovery.
In the days after, Mama would visit the house often. She would watch Anton and I would explain more about autism. I would say, "o, try to call him, he won't respond" or "see, he won't look at you when you talk to him?" For my mother, it was a learning process too. She would say, "how come during my time this wasn't uso (common) yet? Look at Tita Toots' son, Mike, didn't they say he had it? Look at him now? He's okay, he has a job, he has friends." I would then say, "sana nga, sana nga (I wish, I wish)."
Mama was very much like me, trying to be optimistic but very grounded in the fact that recovery might be tough. She was always available for a chat and to give advice. She would also try to lift my spirits up and offer to take me out (maybe because she knew it was tough having to deal with the diagnosis alone since Allen was in the US).
The biggest gift Mama gave me, however, is the inspiration to have faith. She would often say whenever I would tell her about a crisis, "sige, ipagdadasal ko (okay, i will pray for it)." Her trust in God has always been amazing; sometimes, I used to think, a little too blind. Throughout her trials, many of which seem impossible to overcome, she has always believed in miracles.
After the initial depression that happened to me, I was back to my novenas and bible. I may seem like the many who run to God for help, but I was always very grateful for what I was blessed with- my family and a comfortable life (even after the diagnosis). I think that the reason I stopped crying all the time was because I learned to accept what has happened to Anton and believe that he will have a better life one day. It is because of Mama that I developed faith.
Christmas 2006, Mama and Papa babysit Anton in California
Just like Mama is like me, Papa is like Allen. Because he is so obsessed about natural health and alternative medicine, I worried that if I told my dad about what happened to Anton, he would blame me. Throughout most of my adult life, Papa was always nagging about eating healthy foods and taking supplements. So I feared that he would blame my unhealthy lifestyle, yet again, for Anton's condition.
I grew up very distant from my father. He was very busy with his career during my youth. Throughout the angst of my adolescence, we rarely saw eye-to-eye. I always felt that I was a failure to him; that I had disappointed him with the things I had done in the past. Many times, I felt like I was not loved by my parents, but mostly by my dad. I would have probably chosen not to tell him about Anton for as long as I could but my cousin found out about the autism and I knew it was just a matter of time before news would reach my father.
It took us nine months to tell Papa about Anton's ASD . We all met for breakfast that Sunday morning. Throughout the meal, no one seemed to be willing to open up about it. Finally, Mama said, "Maya wants to tell you something." I didn't enjoy being put on the spot so I said to Allen, "you say it."
Allen told Papa that we took Anton to see a specialist and she said that he has autism. "So what?" Papa said, so untrue to his opinionated character. "That means he will be great like me!" We laughed. What I thought would be a crying morning turned out to be hilarious. Papa said, "all geniuses were considered weird. Imagine if he could harness his assests and turn them into something productive- watch out!" Allen, Mama and I just sat there, sort of laughing but sort of teary-eyed. Papa took the negativity out of the disorder and turned it into something positive!
Having been agnostic most of his life, my father rarely drew strength from faith in a higher being. His success is a testament of his own strength, determination and stubbornness. And if my father has optimistic words to say about Anton, I think it is because he was once considered weird too, having been mildly crippled by polio in his youth. So for Papa to be so positive about my son, for him to brush off the gloom of the situation, for him to attempt to banish doubt from my mind about recovery- for Papa that is love. It may not be the most typical form a child expects from a parent, but I knew that he believed it so much and he wanted me to believe it too. Just like Papa was weird, so was how he showed his love; but I'll take it any day.
Allen was elated that Papa saw the disorder the same way he did, "see? I told you," he said to me. I was happy to realize then, that maybe it's a man-thing. What may seem to be denial is an optimism women may not have at that low point in their lives. Maybe, we may not be willing to admit it, it is what we need. Baseless or not, it does help to lighten spirits sometimes and may even be contagious for the short term.
Being a parent has allowed me to see things the way my own parents did. I may not have approved of how they handled parenthood back then but I have learned to understand them better. I may not have had a good relationship with them during my youth but I'm glad that I have them now that I need them most.
"Wowa" and "Wowo"
So different yet so similar, Mama and Papa have supported me through Anton's autism in totally different ways. One believes in God, one thinks he is a god. One is supportive even when I am negative, the other is so harsh about the need to be positive. She believes I should do all I can, he thinks Anton will do all he can and overcome it. Opposing opinions but in the end, one message- HE WILL BE BETTER... that's all I need to know that I am loved.
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