Our Intervention Team, Part 2

Each child with autism is different and, though most have language difficulties, the disorder is manifested behaviorally in various ways. Ton was a physically active child, not hyperactive but he liked climbing on tables and standing on chairs. He would zoom through the house without concern for his safety, many times bumping his body on walls. Sometimes during tantrums he would lie on the floor and flail his arms and body around, hitting his head on the concrete.

He did "cute" things too. We actually thought they were signs he was a genius (we still believe he is) before we knew they were signs that he was autistic. He liked lining up toys, segregating them into categories or by pattern sequences. He memorized the alphabet and numbers even before he could answer yes/no questions. He was also fixated with animals, able to identify even those that we adults may not be familiar with.

Lining up toys

In school, there was never an issue about academics. He was sometimes a faster learner than the typical kids- never failing tests and excellent at paperwork. But his behavior was a hurdle that prevented him from fully benefiting from the school experience. This was why our first dev. ped. recommended that Ton go through Occupational Therapy (OT) twice a week.

He loved animals so much!

Our first OT was Teacher Rhodz (mentioned in Part 1). She was a sweet and caring therapist but no matter how hard she tried, Ton's behavior improved little. 

After a year with Teacher Rhodz, we found another OT in Makati who was very hardworking and concerned about Ton's wellbeing but was too "raw" to be effective. This one was just a few years out of college. She used her techniques without tweaking them to suit the child. To give her credit, though, she helped Ton with school skills (Ton used to hate holding a pencil). She also got him to sit longer through table tasks. 

A year and a half after our diagnosis, we began to see renowned dev. ped. Dr. Alexis Reyes. She noticed Ton's behavior- lack of focus, fidgety, no self-regulation. She said, "you should look for another OT. You should try to get Teacher Lady." Ahh, THE Teacher Lady. 

THE Teacher Lady
(Source: www.autismsocietyphilippines.blogspot.com)

I've heard of Lady Suarez long before she was mentioned by Dr. Reyes. Our first dev. ped. recommended her but the wait to get a slot with Teacher Lady is just as long as with Dr. Reyes. You need a miracle to get a slot with either; and because we already got lucky with Dr. Reyes, there was no way we could even hope for a chance with Teacher Lady. But God has his ways :)

When we started seeing Teacher Jeri (Ton's speech therapist) in St Luke's QC on a "last-minute replacement" basis, she started saying that Ton needs better OT intervention and recommended some of the good OTs in St. Luke's, including Teacher Lady. I said to Jeri, "that's impossible! I asked the receptionists how long the wait was for a slot with Lady and they said not to hope anymore."  Jeri said, "I'll talk to her." This is why I owe Jeri so much.

A few weeks after my talk with Jeri, the St. Luke's receptionist said that Teacher Lady can schedule an evaluation for Ton. No therapy slot, just an evaluation (pretty much how we started with Teacher Jeri). Of course I jumped on the chance even if it would be our only one. But it was not. 

We eventually got a "last-minute replacement" arrangement with her as well, traveling to where there was an absent patient- St. Luke's QC or Therapy Works in Paranaque. Like with Jeri, we forgot everything else and just hopped in our car and drove. These were the toughest but the best sacrifices we made. 

People would say, "why Quezon City, it's so far?" or "ha?! P1500 for a special session in St. Luke's just to see her?!" (The rate was different for our arrangement because Ton was not a regular patient so he had to pay the "evaluation rate" all the time.) Oh, if they only knew Lady.

Teacher Lady is the "autistic whisperer." When Ton comes from a therapy session with her, he improves dramatically for two reasons- Lady can "read" the children by just observing them. She looks for reasons behind the behavior- the triggers. Then she assesses if there are sensorial causes for the behavior. She addresses those causes and the behavior improves; not immediately, but through time and through the second reason- she gets the parents involved.

When Ton first saw Teacher Lady, she would ask me to sit through the whole session. I would observe them at work. I would ask questions while they did. She would analyze the concerns and help me address them on my own. She would often say, "look mommy. When he does this... it's because... so, this is what you should do." Each time, I learned. Each time, I left the session so enriched and enlightened, and armed with a few weeks' worth of strategies to help my son. He was not the only one being cured, I was getting better too.

It's been two years since we started our "last-minute replacement" deal with Teacher Lady and, unfortunately, that's still the arrangement we have. But imagine if we could see her weekly! Imagine if we could be helped like that on a regular basis! But we can't. There are many other kids she wants to help with different needs and different concerns. And it is not right for us to feel bad about what we have now. It's actually a big blessing to be just given an hour every two months. 

In Thinkids QC, Teacher Lady guides a junior OT named Joan Go on how to help Ton. Pretty much in the same mold as Lady, Joan has that sensitive eye that Lady possesses. (I'm sure in a few years, the wait to see Joan will be just as long as Lady's.) Like Lady, she analyzes and thinks the behavior through before trying to fix it. More than anything, it's the genuine concern that cannot be replaced. Ton now sees Joan twice a week. 

Whenever I meet other parents of children with autism and we get to talking about therapists, I learn that many of them choose the cheapest ones or the nearest ones. I want to tell them "No!" but I just tell our story. They may think that we're wasting time (by traveling so far) and money (by spending a bit more) by being committed to these therapists. Jeri, Lady and Joan have shown their commitment to seeing Ton get better. They have gone beyond usual therapy protocol and accommodated my calls, emails, and texts, even during off-hours. They care for my son sincerely.  My commitment to them doesn't even come close to what they really deserve.  Thank you very much, ladies!

(to be continued...)

A big hug for his Thinkids therapists!

Therapeutic intervention for kids, inc (THINKids)
5 Tomas Morato Avenue, Quezon City
+639277234769

Therapy Works
726-D Quirino Ave., Paranaque City 
632-8530121

Our Intervention Team, Part 1

The members of my family are all American citizens. When well-meaning people find out about this, I am often asked, "shouldn't you move back to the US since they have the latest developments on autism intervention?" For the last 4 years since our diagnosis, I've debated this in my head repeatedly. And all those times I thought about it, the answer was always "no."

His speech delay and lack of engagement were the reasons
why we felt there was something wrong with Ton at age 2.

When my world crashed in 2009 due to the diagnosis, it was a struggle to find help. Before you could see a developmental pediatrician, you had to wait a minimum of six months. For occupational therapists (OTs), only the fresh graduates were available. If you need speech therapy for your child, you would have to wait six months or more (maybe forever). I was repeatedly turned away or ignored when I called therapy centers. There were some that were accommodating but they usually did not have a good pool of therapists. 

I got an OT within a week. In a month, I was able to find a speech therapist. I was so grateful to start the healing process that I jumped on any slot available. Ton's first OT was the sweetest woman. Teacher Rhodz was patient, kind and a supportive ally to a newcomer like me. For a whole year she worked with him on typical OT tasks- fine motor table top work and gross motor floor exercises. It was a wonderful first step but she was not able to address his behavioral issues. He remained hyperactive and distracted.

The family (minus Dad and Kuya Paolo) with
Teacher Rhodz (leftmost) in 2010

The first speech therapist, on the other hand, was unforgettable. A fresh graduate (most speech therapists leave the country as soon as they get their diplomas), she handled Ton like a case from her textbooks. She knew nothing about handling actual autistic children so she was never sensitive to his sensorial issues. In a room full of screaming special needs kids she would work with him. My little Ton would cry and ignore her and she would scream and shout at him to get his attention.  Let's just say our relationship with her was short-lived.

I researched again and called other centers. I finally got into a center in Makati. They had slots for OT, Speech, even SPEd (special education). I was the luckiest mom! All Ton's therapies in one center! How convenient! So we filled his week with therapists. At his busiest, he was there 4 times a week. 2 OTs, 3 Speech, 1 SPEd. For two years we stayed with them but, still, Ton's behavioral issues were not addressed and his speech was not progressing as fast as I hoped. So I kept looking. I also did not stop researching and working with Ton at home (see future post).

In 2010, I called the Neurodevelopment center of St. Luke's Medical Center (SLMC) in Quezon City (http://www.stluke.com.ph/aboutus/centers/16)  ready to be turned away. The big, highly-acclaimed centers already did, so what could be new with SLMC QC? They had no slots for any of the therapists I needed (not a surprise) but- they could schedule Ton for an evaluation while waiting for availability. I jumped on the chance. I was restless with the Makati center so I figured that I should just put my foot in the door and wait. 

He was first evaluated by Jerilee Casas (Teacher Jeri), a speech pathologist who pioneered the PROMPT method in the Philippines. Though I was not sure it was a right fit for Ton (It is my understanding that PROMPT is usually used for speech problems due to anatomical defects) I thought, "why not? There's nothing to lose." That was the best decision I ever made with Ton's therapies.

Teacher Jerilee Casas
(Source: www.promptinstitute.com)

While discussing Ton's evaluation results, I never assumed that a slot with Jeri would be possible in the near future. But during our talk, I begged her to help us find a speech therapist (if not her). She promised that she would see what she could do with her schedule so she could work with Ton; and she kept her promise. Whenever a patient of hers would be absent, she would call me the day before (sometimes even the morning of the day itself) to ask if we could come in. Most of the time we did; dropping everything else- school, other therapy schedules (in the Makati center), everyone else's lives, just to get to her. Driving from Paranaque to Quezon City was no laughing matter but we did our best to show up whenever she called. And after a year and a half of this we were rewarded. 

Teacher Jeri opened up her own therapy center in Tomas Morato called Thinkids (of course we still had to live with the distance) and we finally got a regular weekly slot. And this was when Ton's speech began improving. Jeri did not focus on the usual exercises that speech therapists use (flashcards, software, memorization of responses). She looked at each individual patient and assessed the real needs. For Ton it was obviously brain processing. 

In the Makati center, the speech therapist would teach Ton memorized responses to questions and he became good at it though it was far from functional (in fact, it was often useless). Jeri used play to engage Ton. She modified play routines so that he would learn how to develop functional speech. I would see them play board games, work on puzzles together, even preschool toys. Ton loved working with her because it was not "forced." I loved that Ton worked with Jeri because she cared about him and sincerely wanted him to get better. 

We've been with Jeri for two years now at her center. As soon as we got our weekly slot in Thinkids, we gave up the Makati speech therapist. Ton has since learned to process questions before answering. He has learned basic communication skills like taking turns and nonverbal communication cues (like facial expressions that mean someone is waiting for a response). We have overcome many hurdles but are faced with many others. 

Still not much of a talker but Ton has been starting to make
friends and understand social communication and norms.

I'm not as scared anymore, though. Jeri is now part of our family. The years with her have shown her commitment to seeing Ton to better days. But more than that, they have shown her love for my son. (Thanks, Jeri!)

I would never trade that for the latest autism interventions in the US. :)

(to be continued...)


Therapeutic intervention for kids, inc (THINKids)
5 Tomas Morato Avenue, Quezon City
+639277234769

Ton, Gluten Free, Casein Free... Mama, Fat Free?

Well, not quite :)

When Ton was diagnosed in August 2009, he became my world. I gave up my work, my social life, my health, even my sanity just to help him get better. Most of my time was spent researching, attending seminars, reading books and crying. I forgot how to be happy and resumed my old ways of co-dependency. I was happy when he was okay and sad when he was not. I was often frustrated, depressed and stressed. I felt guilty when I did things for myself because it took time away from my children. I was too busy taking care of others to take care of myself.

after the diagnosis, 200 pounds, September 2008

As I grew fatter and fatter, I felt uglier and uglier. But it went beyond aesthetics, deep inside I was very unhappy. I used to think that I didn't have the time nor the energy for diet and exercise. But as Ton slowly got better, I began to run out of excuses as to why I wasn't working out or eating right. Then I realized as I neared my 40th birthday- if I didn't become healthier, I would die early and leave Ton.

It scared me to let go of life without seeing Ton ready for the world. No one else, maybe except his Yaya or dad, understands Ton's language as well as I do. We do the best job at reading his cues and nonverbal signals. We even do pretty well reading his mind. So, what if, I wasn't around? Who would continue to research, beg for therapy slots and, most of all, TRY?

In September of 2011, I finally put my heart into it (the intentions were not purely for Ton, though, I had a shallow short term goal- my silver high school reunion). I wanted to get healthier by 40 but procrastinated. So I vowed that I would not reach 41 without losing some of the weight.

I went on the Cohen diet and by my reunion I had lost 30 pounds (from 185 pounds). By my 41st birthday I had lost 40 pounds. Six months after beginning my program, I had gone down all the way to 135 pounds (a 50 pound loss). It was not easy but I think I learned a lot from Ton's struggles with ASD- you sometimes get sidetracked, sometimes you fail but you try to get back on the program as soon as you can and you eventually see changes.

days before my 41st birthday

I not only looked better, I felt like a new person. I realized that being lighter made me happier. The exercising, the healthy food choices actually improved my mental wellbeing. I stopped feeling guilty about spending time on myself. In fact, I intentionally block off ME time regularly. I now have a weekly spa day. I go to the gym as often as six days a week and I take ballet lessons. I even treat myself to a nice hefty breakfast alone (morning silence is precious to me) once a week.

By being a healthier, happier person, I became a happier mother. I had more energy to fight Ton's battles and my heart and mind were better equipped to handle the ups and downs of the ASD roller coaster ride. I began to socialize and meet new people and inspired many others to get healthy again. Of course Ton hated that I seemed to be leaving the house more often without him, but he eventually got used to it. I believe he's even better now because of it- he tries harder to be accepting of the changes in my schedule.

Living a healthier life has made me a better role model for my children too. They see exercise as part of my (almost) daily routine. They even jump in and do floor exercises with me sometimes. Ton knows when I'm dressed for "exercise" and he knows that when Mama leaves wearing those clothes, she won't be back in less than one hour.

I've been able to play more with the kids 

I can now easily lift him up using my feet to the tune of the "Superman" march while he flies like Christopher Reeve (so 70s! Who is it na nga now?). I also get to do a little bit more chasing and clowning around with the other kids as well. Ton loves to play Wii's Just Dance and often wants the whole family in on the game. I also don't burn out in the middle of yaya's day off anymore. In fact, I even get to squeeze in a husband-wife date when yaya gets back from her day off :)

I realized how far I've come health-wise during our May trip to Boracay. Ton, tired and on the verge of a tantrum, cried as soon as the plane landed in Manila. I scooped him up in my arms and deplaned and walked as fast as I could to the car. It was not an extremely long walk but with a 50 pound crying boy (about to have a full-blown monster episode), it was a huge challenge. While I was sprinting fast I realized- two years ago I would not have gotten very far. I would have been hurting, sweating and panting (and maybe wanting to just have my own tantrum as well). As soon as Ton got to the car, he calmed down. Whew! Another monster moment averted, thanks to my daily 45 minute cardio workouts. ("So that's when they come in handy," I realized then.)

healthy, happy faces

The last two years have seen a lot of changes; not only in Ton but in me, as well. We've both had great moments of success then some regressions too. We both continue to struggle to maintain our healthy states on a daily basis. Routines and regimens are rigid and tough but we march on. By becoming a better person, I have become a better mother on her way to nurturing a better Ton.

Of breakthroughs, tough choices and breakups

During Ton's visit to his developmental pediatrician (dev. ped.) yesterday, we had a breakthrough. Dra. Reyes said, "ang galing niya (he's so good)! He's a totally different boy from the one I saw eight months ago!" Tears welled up in my eyes. Before we left her clinic, I asked if I could hug her and then I thanked her again.

Ton almost didn't make it to this appointment. We missed his original one (I forget things, okay? :) ) and only got in yesterday because I begged and showered the doctor's receptionist with sweetness.  We eventually got an appointment but for 4pm, which was really not a good time for Ton. To top it off, that 4pm was further pushed to 5pm due to delays. He had become anxious in the waiting hall.

anxiously waiting for one hour at the waiting area

Ton had also been regressing slightly since Tuesday. On Monday, we started a new round of anti-fungals (more on this in a later post) and so he was less focused and more stubborn of late. 

And so, despite the bad timing, despite the bad effects of his medication, we went to see Dr. Reyes. He did not do too well during the battery of verbal tests, answering "because...(then silence)" to many questions but he excelled in table top work (not a surprise, he always has). The biggest surprise to the doctor, though, was that he was able to sit down, wait patiently, follow commands and most importantly- self-regulate. In Dr. Reyes' words, "okay na 'to, kayang-kaya na regular school (he'll be okay, he will survive in a regular school)."

going to his classroom in a regular school with his little sister, Tessa

There have been many breakthroughs in Ton's journey but this one is long overdue. We have not heard this much good news from THE Dr. Reyes in the longest time. 

On my drive home from Makati Med, I sat silently in the car thinking, "how did we get here? What were the good things we did? What worked? What didn't?"

How did we get here? Tough choices! We deprived Ton of food he loved- cake, cookies, pizza, chocolate, processed food and juices. We were firm in saying, "no," even as we watched him shout, scream, hit us, flail his body on the floor (monster moments, I call them). I turned around and cried when I saw him at his worst and prayed that he would crash down to calmness soon. We broke up with many therapists when we felt that they weren't working well with him. Most of all, we kept trying new things and we kept working hard. 

So far, we've "broken up" with 4 occupational therapists, 3 speech therapists and 1 special education tutor. We've abandoned a preschool 2 days before the start of classes because they "boxed in" Ton with the lower functioning children. We've gone to and left 3 therapy centers in a span of 4 years. We've consulted with a Defeat Autism Now (DAN) doctor once then never returned. Ton was diagnosed by another dev. ped. but we moved to (more like begged for a slot with) Dr. Reyes after 1 year. These are things we are not proud of but they were tough choices we needed to do because had to keep trying.

In a few weeks, we will try something new again- methylated B-12 shots, lauded by many ASD parents as a "miracle cure."    I will have to inject a tiny needle in his butt cheek a few nights a week. How will I muster the nerve to hurt my son intentionally? Beats me. All I know is that this is worth a try, even if it kills me inside to see him cry.

Forever in search of "the cure"

The B-12 might work. It might not. It might lead me to another breakthrough or we might have another breakup. I'm praying for a happy ending but I'm ready for a heartbreak, as well. Because just like real breakups- we fall hard, we mourn, then we rise again and try again. Sometimes things work out but many times they do not. It's a never-ending series of trials and errors. The journey, and life, continues...

no one is prouder of you than Mama

Fast Forward to 2013

When I last posted on this blog, it was October 2010. Ton had just turned four. Today, Ton is 6 years and 8 months old. We have passed the unspoken deadline of six years but the journey has continued.

The last two years have had its ups and downs. But whose life has not had ups and downs these last two years? Even my neurotypical (NT) kids have taken me on roller coaster highs and lows themselves!

With Ton, we've had rapid gains that are sometimes erased in a matter of days. We've had plateaus when we start thinking, "he's getting better. We're on our way to typical;" then he suddenly crashes to his 4 year old state. I've shed tears with family, teachers, therapists but we've had equal (maybe even more) amounts of laughter, pride and joy.

What has our journey has taught me, thus far? Celebrate successes, quickly bounce back from defeats but keep hoping and praying because it's not over 'til it's over (= 'til I'm gone). We've learned to accept Ton as he is (even his "monster" moments) and by doing so we slowly see improvements and bask in the small gains he continually makes.

Most importantly, we've realized this- Ton is our special child. He is not like most kids but we would never trade him (his innocence, his purity, the simplicity of his being) for a typical child. Having him in our family, in our lives, has been challenging but our whole family has been blessed by his presence. We are living richer, wiser, and more grateful lives because our special child has taken us on this adventure.

Here's to many more years of learning, crying, celebrating, praying and thanking. Thank you, God, for Ton.

Acceptance (written in Nov. 2010 but never published)

I used to think that I was better than many because I immediately accepted the diagnosis and went straight to work. I marveled at how far Anton had come; at how much "better" he had become. Then he turned four.

Each year that we come closer to the unspoken "deadline" of six years old, comes a realization that we have to keep working harder, and that we have not done enough. We assess what we have done, what worked and where we failed. So after 14 months of great successes, we realized that we were stuck.

Today, Anton got a permanent marker and wrote on the back of my Target-bought fabric chairs. On any other day it would just be a little thing (of course, I would worry about having it re-upolstered) but today it was not. Because it was one little thing on top of other little things that have been happening lately.

For almost a week, Anton had been coming home from school with one stamp on his hand. According to his teacher he had resumed his old habit of standing on the table. He has also refused to do paper work. Most importantly, like at home, Anton has began to hit others.

Initially, when it first happened, he was in the middle of a meltdown so I assumed that he was merely having difficulty expressing himself. I did not think much of it until he did it again. This time it was because he was angry (it seemed, at me). He then did it to his yaya too but we did not expect it to happen in school or therapy.

It seemed like it all started last Halloween. On the night of October 31 when I was trying to put him to sleep. He refused to and insisted on "light." Since I refused to turn it on, a full-blown, never-before-seen tantrum ensued. He was flailing on the bed, kicking and hitting me. He cried for 30 minutes and only gave up when sleepiness overcame him. That's when I said to my husband, "para syang possessed, in the dark para syang nakakatakot (it was like he was possessed; in the dark, he was scary)."

And that feeling hasn't changed since. I have recently been full of fear and doubt. No longer full of faith and hope, I am now desperate. It did seem like an evil spirit took over my son and made him a monster. And just now, I realized- this is what the other parents felt about their kids. This sense that, one day my child was okay then slowly he faded away.

Anton's autism was so mild before that I thought beating the odds was easy. Then slowly a darker cloud came over him and, now I know, this will be a life-long battle. Even if Anton has had ups and downs before, we were never this "down." Most of all, I know that even if we battle this "evil possession" soon, I know that it will come back to haunt us again. And again and again.

So, very much like I felt in August 2009, I am mourning again. This time with a deeper sorrow and fear then before. Because this time, I have accepted that, though we may overcome it, it may come back anytime. Just like it did on Halloween.

The challenges we hurdled on his first year after diagnosis was the first phase. I know now that there will be many more to come. Thus has come my acceptance. Acceptance that clouds will always come and go. He may stop hitting me next year, but maybe then (hopefully not) something else will crop up.

With this acceptance comes my reality. I am not Maya. My real name is Aya. My son is Ton, not Anton. I will no longer hide under pseudonyms worried about what people will think of me and my family. Like their own families, we have our problems. Some have rebellious teenage children, others are finding difficulty toilet-training. Ours is autism.

With my 2nd mourning I once again thank God for the health and safety of my children. I pray for more strength and hope. And much more than before, I pray for Ton. No longer do I pray for recovery since I now understand that this is life-long. I pray that Ton will get better and overcome challenges that come his way.

Unlike the first time I mourned, today my husband is WITH me (though he is miles away in San Francisco). Over Skype he typed, "he'll bounce back. I have not given up on his being able to do great things. If it gets to the point where he can't go any further, then we will worry about it when we cross that bridge. But for now, it's too early pa ...."

Right now, it may be tough to see the light at the end of the tunnel but I keep walking. I don't know if I'm going in the right direction but I keep walking and bumping walls. Hopefully I reach the end one day soon, even with lots of bruises :).

Black, White and Gray

When is faith "denial?"

I had to face this thought recently when I started talking with other ASD moms who seemed to be doing a whole lot more for their children than I was. From biomedical intervention, B12 shots, Gluten-free Casein-Free (GFCF) diets, Auditory Integration Therapy (AIT) and specialized mainstreaming schools, I got to thinking, "am I still not doing enough?"

I told one of these moms, Josie, that talking with moms like her makes me feel so insecure. Because I am not doing as much as they are, maybe I love my son less? It's easy to get depressed when facing autism and thoughts like this are not uncommon. But I have to consciously stop the self-pitying and focus on Anton. Sometimes it hurts my pride but I have to digest these moms' messages and reassess Anton's interventions.

And this is where it gets tough. Lately, Allen and I have accepted Anton's steady progress. We bask in each milestone achieved and we feel that the one year delay is acceptable. We also strongly believe that he is slowly overcoming the challenges that ASD brings his way. I, on my part, have developed this faith that with all the things that we do, and with God's help, Anton will get better.


















We have learned to accept the quirks of our Little Einstein.

On the one hand, I understand all these well-meaning moms who merely want to share what successes they have achieved using these alternative therapies. I am not closing my doors on these suggestions. I merely feel that I would like to give Anton a share in his improvement. When they say that, without AIT, GFCF, Biomed, my child would not have improved, I would like to think that the improvement came from the child. That these interventions are incidental. They may help greatly, but I do not want to take away from the child what is rightfully due him.

So, rather than dismissing the advice outright, I have learned to accept the wisdom they have gained through the years. Maybe I am a newbie, naive and optimistic, but I still refuse to accept that Anton will not overcome this. Call it "denial," shake your head in disbelief, criticize me for allowing Anton an occasional doughnut. Each child is different, each autism is different, and the families surrounding them are unique.


















Pizza is a no-no in the GFCF diet.

I am studying these other options well. I have been gradually introducing my son to GFCF (not fast enough, I'm sure some will say). What I do not like is when this discussion becomes like the battle between Democrats and Republicans (both sides thinking the other is wrong). To me, this is not black and white, either you're on this side or not. I am allowing Anton and myself to stay in the gray for a while. Though I know that we can't stay here long.

We have to do as much as we can now. But I am not going to allow my son and family to blindly heed advice. There are some things that work for us, and some that do not. Besides, our decisions are never final anyway.

Like the changing face of autism, Anton's needs change as well. It is inevitable that his family does too. Whether we plunge into AIT, biomed or GFCF will be a decision we carefully make as a family. It will not be simply because it worked for others.

Even before Anton's autism we have always been too gray (weird) for other families anyway. We count on faith, hard work and each other to help Anton get better. Maybe it is denial; but we are his family and we know him best.